Well, it's a new week in the treehouse, and we have another letter! Another poor monkey momma out there is seeking some advice from our faithful readers. So please, submit your monkey advice in the comments, and the winning (funniest) answer will be posted on Friday, with the winner becoming an honorary monkey and taking home those fabulous cloth monkey blocks! Let's hear it! What's YOUR advice?
Dear Drama Monkeys,
I have a little problem. I went to work last week and a colleague commented on some spitup that I aparently had on my shoulder. Now, I knew it was there, but I thought I had cleaned it up properly and no one would see it. They proceeded to say that it was unprofessional that I would come to work with baby spitup on me. The problem is, is I only have so many outfits! If I changed everytime my son got something on me, I would have to go naked! So, my question is, What is an acceptable amount of baby bodily fluids to have on me before I have to change my outfit? Oh, andd what should I say to my colleague?
Gratefully seeking help,
Spewed Upon in Oklahoma
Don't forget to leave your email address in case you win! Can't think of any advice today? Don't worry, this contest runs through Thursday. Check back all month for other contest opportunities! Oh, and tell your friends!
Dear Spewed Upon in Oklahoma,
ReplyDeleteThe nerve of your colleage! He or she must not be a monkey mamma, or such a rude comment would never have come out of that mouth. Anyone who has a life, a family, and a baby, knows that there is NO WAY to avoid spewage other than to never pick up said baby! So, to answer your question, I think that you would be considered naked without said upchuck on your shirt.. it would be "unacceptable" not to have some spitup as an accoutrement.
I personally don't think your loser colleague deserves any words said to him or her.. but I think that you should DO something to them!
Tomorrow, I think you should approach said colleague with a fermented bottle (think leaving said bottle out on the counter for days) of either EBM or formula. When you approach them in their cubicle, make an upchucking noise, and toss the fermented contents onto their shirt, and tell them that they now look unprofessional, and should go change!
Muhahaha..
Sinister in Seattle
Personally, I would have tried to make your colleage sound stupid...umm I have to take my baby to daycare and this is the way that my baby knows it's me when I pick him up.
ReplyDelete:) slow night in the funny dept;) but at least I amuse myself.
Next time tell your colleague the white spot isn't baby spit up. Tell him you are following the "Lewinsky" fashion trend. Then smile and ask him if he has a cigar.
ReplyDeleteOr you could act outraged and say loudly "why are you looking at my breasts?". (it doesn't matter if the spot wasn't near your actual breast it will still shut him up permanently).
Mary
Dear Spewed Upon in Oklahoma,
ReplyDeleteEmily Post says the acceptable amount of baby bodily fluids that is proffesionally allowed is anything that covers less than 40 percent of your entire mass. I do believe that a little spit up on the shoulder is perfectly fine.
As for your colleague, the next time you see him you should politely tell him that it is unproffesional of him to come to work with his face on. Or you could always just start an office rumor that he has small man syndrome. That always works too.
Bethany
okay I don't have an answer but I just had to say OMG Mary that is hilarious!! You get my vote!
ReplyDeleteDear Spewed Upon in Olkahoma,
ReplyDeleteNext time your colleague comments on baby spit up ask if he or she would prefer that you wear the other bodily excretions that your little monkley makes? Spewed milk might not seem so bad if you stuck a dirty diaper in your colleague's garbage can without him knowing. Of course if you are in cubicles this would be the talk of the office but you could always start the rumor that your colleague has irritable bowel sindrome. Let the poop throwing begin!!!!!
I personally think the spit-up on the shoulder is just a new fashion statement!!!!! Wear it proudly monkey mama!!!!
Raynee
Dear Spewed Upon in Oklahoma,
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this for the whole week, and there is only one solution! First of all, I would personally go in naked and tell them that unfortunately you have no more "acceptable" clothing left. Tell them that it is your birthday and therefore you were thinking that your birthday suit was acceptable for this glorious day (maybe even stick a feminine napkin on your butt with icing and candles for fun...ohhhhh!!! Sparklers!!! Use those!).
Then I would go to your colleague's desk and take a big dump right on his/her seat and when he/she sits down tell them that THEIR outfit is unacceptable!
Oh and as for your other question "What is an acceptable amount of baby bodily fluids to have on me before I have to change my outfit?" I would think that unless you got vomited or crapped on by a very large cow (sorry mooing right now and couldn't think of another large animal), than I think you should be "acceptable"!
Pumping with a passion,
Milk Machine Momma!
P.S. If the sanitary napkin is not enough coverage, you could also slap on some boobie pads! Dont forget the whip cream and cherry!
heee heee hooo hooo...DM2 is laughing hysterically!
ReplyDelete